I WILL SURVIVE

3 MORE DAYS!!!

2009-05-09T23:39:00.001-07:00

3 more days of school final exam... Stressing over not studying anything. Mum keeps bugging me to study every minute... But still, I can't.. Augh! Help me out!

Kind of miss someone right now. She's really busy, but I still hope for the best of her and maybe a little of her time to come online and chat... Not chatting with her made me relieved yet stressed somehow... Totally confused by my feelings...

MUM's Birthday coming soon!!! Wonder what I'm gonna buy for her...
I'll come out with something...

Day 3 of Finals

2009-04-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, day 3 of finals. Lots of people learning while I blog. Quite insane. Ugh... I hope I can do the papers smoothly. Kind of nervous, but i can't get myself to study... Butterflies in my stomach...

11days To Finals

2009-03-31T04:21:00.000-07:00

Finals is really coming. So soon? AH! I'm not even ready! I still haven't even touched any book! AH! Stressed out! But I'm still quite calm, compared to my classmates... Good thing right?
Uhm... Still thinking of someone... He's been busy these few months. Maybe that's a good thing. I can focus more on my finals and he can focus on his job. I really wish that I could chat with him right now... Just to release the stress out of me and my hectic school days. Thank God that it's going to end soon. But I'm sure that I'll miss it once I get into Uni...
To Mr.You-Know-Who-You-Are: I've tried my best and not hesitate in what I do. I will not regret what I've done and even if I failed, I know that I've given my best. Thank you for giving me the support even when you are busy. Let's keep supporting each other. Let's chat when you are not busy. Hopefully we can really chat soon, or at least after my finals and school tests... I don't know if you still remember me, but thank you for remembering to support me the other day. Those advice makes me stronger than what I used to be...

"Even when you are not by my side, I will keep dancing till the Sun goes down."

*I'm still missing you, even when I know I shouldn't*

Thank God!

2009-03-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

God, thank you for hearing our prayers. After a whole month of being in the ICU, Yeye has finally woke up. Even with the problems with his brain and all, I know You will make it right for him and care for him. A whole month You have put his family in worries, and now I'm sure they felt the rejoice more than anyone could ever felt. Thank You. Yeye's health... It's still a long way to go, but I believe You can make everything possible. AMEN!

Dreams...

2009-02-22T02:41:00.000-08:00

Dreams... I've been imagining life in the future with my friend, just say GS. He and I had been fantasizing about our future, where we will live, our children's name, how we would be in the future and so on. It kinds of hurting to do this thing, since I know I'm not really good in anything. I just want to be a good wife for my future husband and a good mother to my kids, and still be a good kid for my parents. But imagining things like this keeps him happy, so we went on. Up til now, it's already been like 2 weeks or so, imagining things like that. I wonder if my imagination or dreams would come true. listening his words of encouragement makes me feel better. I'm lucky to have such a friend. Dream... Will it really come true?

A side entry:
A friend of mine, Yeye had been hospitalized due to a road accident and he had blood clotting in his brain. He had gone for an operation, but till now, he is still not awake. I couldn't help but to tear up when looking at him, lying so weakly on his bed, not being able to do anything. Yeye, get well soon. Wake up soon. I know we're not a close friend, but I wish you would wake up soon and be a part of us again.
God, please take care of this child.
Yeye, when you wake up, I promise I will give you the best smile ever. So you have to wake up. Your family and your friends miss you alot. You are missing all the action. WAKE UP! Even with your shy and quiet self, we want to feel your presence amongst us. So you gotta wake up.

Hello World!

2009-02-21T05:16:00.000-08:00

Back from a week's network ban from my mom. At last it's weekend! Really missed going online. Missed someone's birthday, but I couldn't greet her online, even when I think she'll come online on her birthday. Min-Chan, I know it's kind of late to say this, but Happy Birthday. I wish you all the luck and success and happiness and health. So, Happy Birthday.

New Mp4... Yay!

2009-02-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

Crashed my last Mp3 in my bag. I threw my bag when I got angry at a friend and my Mp3 flew out and crash landed under another friend's shoes and he accidentally stepped it. So, it's GONE!
Went to the mall with my family, not that bad, but my bro keeps teasing me and it's really irritating. I hate it when he teased me about my past PSP (wonder why I call it 'past'? because it is broken and can't be fixed anymore. the same scene that happened to my Mp3) He kept saying "Where did your PSP go leh?" and lots of "wow! cool games for PSP. Go buy..." ahahaha.... NVM! I DON'T CARE!!
Got myself a new pair of spectacles with my own angpao money. Bought Mp4 with angpao money also, so my fund is getting thinner since my dad don't allow me to buy lots of things and I ended up buying them myself.
Lots of birthdays coming soon. Got my nephew's birthday this month, Min-Chan's birthday(but I don't think I'll be giving her anything. she didn't even reply my letter yet.) then my mom n bro's birthday, planning to get mom something at the mall or at least treat her in a restaurant. Nothing for bro. hate him. Muahahahaha... then My sister in law's birthday, I think it's the same month or a month after mine. Wew! How much must I spend? all of my family member's birthdays are in the beginning of the year...

You Are In Love When.....

2009-02-14T04:56:00.001-08:00

You Are In Love When...
1. you think of him day and night
2. you can't forget every single thing he said
3. your heart races everytime you think or hear his name
4. you feel that you have weak legs every time he looks at you
5. you feel that he sees right through you
6. you wanna stay together and even imagined your future with him
7. you look at him from far, just to make sure that he is fine
8. you think you are lost without him
9. you think you've gone head over heels for him
10. you want things to stay the way they are

I can't feel any of this. Guess because I'm not in love anymore. It feels piercing every time I remember of you. You know what? I don't care anymore. Things had gone totally wrong that somehow I don't regret losing you. Today is Valentine's Day, and I'm happier alone than last Val that I spent with you. You get what I mean. Keep hiding. I don't even care anymore. You've hurt me up to the stage that I can't be hurt anymore. I won't hope, and I hope you don't to. Oh ya! Your birthday is coming soon right? Happy birthday in advance. I might forget to wish you when that time comes, so I'm saying it right now. Happy? So we are both free and we can do whatever we like. Bye.

Stress After Try Out

2009-02-04T00:46:00.000-08:00

At last my try out is over... the next one will be around next 2 weeks. in the meantime, I'll just fill out a survey or some sort of quiz my friend gave me....

1)What is the hardest word for you to say?
I hate you
2) What do you want to receive on your birthday?
hm... I've always received everything I wanted, even if it's not my birthday, but... a birthday wish.
3) Reach your hand out to the right. What do you touch?
my printer
4) What time did you sleep last night?
12 a.m (good girls don't sleep late. Morning in my case)
5) What's the wallpaper on your computer?
Sunset at Batu Feringghi (reminds me of a place I call my home)
6) What can you hear besides the computer?
the TV my sis-in-law is watching
7) What is your favorite line to say when bored?
ARGHH! STRESS!!BORED!!!WANNA PLAY!!!!
8) When was the last time tears started to roll down your cheek?
last year
9) The last person you were on the phone with?
YunCie
10) What makes you happy?
everything
11) What song you listening to?
none
12) Current mood?
relieved
13) Who will you turn to if you have a huge problem?
God, mom...
14)What's your favorite song at the moment?
classical instumental
15) What was the last song that kept ringing on your mind last night before you sleep?
Just Once, the one sung by Changmin
16) What was the best event that happened last year?
Got encouragement from people around me and receive 75% scholar
17) Where have you been today?
school
18) Last thing you ate?
potato
19) Who's you with ryt now?
my dog..
21) Do you love sunsets?
YES!
26) Things you regret?
I've regretted enough in the past, I try not to regret or do anything I will regret..
27) Is there anything else you want to do besides answering this survey?
yes, chat with Min-chan. but she is not even online, so...
28) What do you hate most that people do?
people that uses others but acts like nothing happened
29) Chocolate cake or brazo de mercedes?
chocolate cake (what can you say? I'm pleased with simple things)
30) what do you feel right now?
Happy, somehow tired
31) What's your plan next week?
go chocolate hunting for Val's Day
32) Missing someone?
yes, but don't really want to think of it
33) What's her/his role in your life?
now we're friends
34) Have you hurt somebody in the past?
i don't know, but i hope I didn't
35) The person who loves u most or the person u love most?
both. love never works one way
36) In a relationship, rebound, dating, flying solo, whatever?
whatever?
37) Interesting happened to you today?
got low score for accounts, got punished to handwrite 200 Q&A's but somehow I didn't feel sad...
38) first text message you receive this morning?
Damn Tony
39) did it make you smile?
yes, a little
40) how did it affect you?
I waited in school till quite late (later than usual, maybe)

1 More Day Till Hell Breaks Loose!

2009-02-01T00:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, starting from tomorrow, I'll be in Hell... School try out is going to make me go crazy or maybe 'mental'... and I'm haven't even started studying yet. So much for my school life... with love and school cramping me, can I stay alive... lolz... the test's craziness is already in me now... Damn...

Ah.. one more thing. Doesn't Min-chan's photo looks a little bit like TVXQ's Changmin? I'm not really sure of anything right now... My head is spinning like hell since idk, maybe a month ago? and this dizziness is not gone yet... Aish! Life's so GREAT!!!

LOVE!!!

2009-01-30T02:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's hard for us to let go, even when we know that that relationship just couldn't work out.
We kept dreaming, hoping and wishing that it would go back to normal like how we like it.
But nothing is as easy as it seemed.
Things are more complicated than that.
Then your other half would just wake you up to reality and say that everything is over.
Is it really over?
When we still held on to our feelings, and still hoping for a second chance.
Can we really let go, this feeling that's grown for so long just bonds us.
Trapped!
We cried as hard as we could, just to let this feeling fade, but it's still there.
Even when things have changed, the feeling we hold on to is still there.
But love's all gone.
Was it even here before?
No one knows.

Baby, you know what? I think I've fallen in and out of love with you too much to the point where I loathe love. You should realize it. We were never meant to be. So, let's get on with our own lives. No more crying for something that's not even there. I want to be the person smiling and congratulating you when you found someone else. ^_^ .

STRESSING OVER!!

2009-01-29T04:27:00.000-08:00

So much stress lately. Test is really killing me. Final test and those try outs are really making me sick of school. And I just heard that Min-chan and her father and sister got sick. Wish she would get better soon. And hope that we can chat again. Miss lots of things, hate lots of things, but being the person that always laugh no matter the condition is makes me feel weaker and more vulnerable. It's hard to see me cry nowadays, smiles always on my face, while tears are falling out in my heart. Doesn't make sense. I never do.

this is Min-chan, or what she claimed to be. So cute, right?

Holidays Are Over!!!

2009-01-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

Didn't realize that time is flying. I'll be starting school tomorrow and life will repeat itself over and over again, just like always. Didn't do much this holidays, nothing significant to remember. Still wondering if he got my letter already. Hope his family hands it up to him...

I think that's about it... nothing else to write. Life has been too normal for me that I need some 'spice' in it. I NEED CHALLENGE! And yeah, I'm getting back to my 'ms. not so in good mood' mode since holidays are officially over... ARGHH!!!

Heart Full of Love

2008-12-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Been so damn lazy to update the blog... so, since I'm waiting for some files to finish downloading, I take the time to update this blog...

Finished school bazaar in one piece, thankfully... been so tired and emo for the whole day, thank God I still have lots of friends to support me. I've been thinking really hard for quite few days now... But now as I think back, it was not worth the time and energy, so I think I'll just leave it...

For the life I have right now, I don't want to regret anything that I've done or I might do in the future... I am very thankful for my life and I don't want it any other way... Someone helped me realized it... He is more than a friend he thought he is... Even if we were not too close, neither do we chat often, he made me realize lots of things and made me pursue what my heart desires... For that special friend, I am thankful... I've sent a letter to him, in a week's time he should receive it... Really curious and anxious...
Heal the World!!! Today is One Sweet Day!!! Tomorrow Never Dies!!! and keep up the Fighting Spirit!!! I WILL SURVIVE!!!

First Day of Exam

2008-11-27T03:01:00.000-08:00

Yay!! Survived first day of exam in one piece..*starts dancing around*... a few more days to go... GREAT!!!
News news... my friend got cursed and beaten by some random people... Hate to get the news like this, at least I think my friend is okay... hope something like this never happen again.. EVER!!! Gonna study for exams after this... But I don't think I'll really study... Just plug on my headphone and sing with a book opened in front of me... A foolproof trick to get off from nagging of parents... Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day...
Damn, I miss my old life...

I'm Hurt Deep Inside

2008-11-13T04:29:00.000-08:00

Felt so down lately... Reviewing my blog posts and just realize I never thought of anything while blogging.. I just simply type what I felt on that split second.. And now It's raining... Making me feel like crying... I think that it has been a burden for some time, but I can't cry it out. I kept it for all this time and now I feel like I might explode. Loving is not an easy thing. I have been always aware of that, but somehow I felt so hurt. This might just be my ego, but I really feel like I might have fallen out of love. And thinking of it makes me want to scream out... I'm so stressed out these few days, now this? I am having tests most likely everyday, now I have to face love problems... How am I going to survive this?

You came to me in my dreams
You made me happy, you made me fly
You gave me a cheer while I was down
You supported me into reaching for my goal
Now that I am finally awake,
I finally realize
You are just my dream
A dream that I had always feared of
The fear I used to avoid
And now you are bringing this fear back into me
I am feeling like a volcano
Waiting to erupt
Now my head is splitting
thinking and considering
whether to let this dream drift me
or to let it die in vein
My dream,
please tell me what to do

PT & AM PART 2

2008-11-03T04:49:00.001-08:00

Again with the PT and AM stuff. Just wanna know how biased I am and how much I know about myself.

PT: if you look at a person's eyes, and they feel sad, tears will automatically form and flow
AM:if I am sad and I look at a person's eyes, tears will flow in my heart, but on the outside I will show a bright side and nobody knows what I'm hiding

PT: a simple girl will have simple thoughts and dream of simple life
AM: I am a simple girl, deep in thoughts and dream large

PT: a silent person will be scary once they are angry
AM: I am double personalitied and I am scary when both angered or not

PT & AM PART 2~4 Done

Weak Hand Day

2008-11-02T19:34:00.001-08:00

Lolz. The title made no sense. But really, I have weak hands today. I keep dropping every single thing I held. Cost my wonderful and precious lunch. Dropped my bottle, dropped my glasses, both of my hp, my bag and my books, and it's all in the morning. Wanna guess what I'll be dropping later in the afternoon? Ahaha... Feeling down lately. And my love is nearly gone. It will be gone very soon, if I keep feeling like this... Ah, just going to sign out. Time for test. YaY!! NOT!

Weak Hand Day

2008-11-02T19:30:00.001-08:00

Back To Normal Life...

2008-10-30T22:42:00.001-07:00

So, my life is back to normal. My luck is officially in its fullest, my mood is up and I am smiling again. Some people still got on my nerves, but that colours my life. My love is now subsiding, not that much into love lately. My hope on that 'someone' is not as high as it used to. Nothing much to blog, so I will put something about me. What most people believed about a personality and what I think is biased.

~KARINA/ net name: MINRINA~
People Think(PT): eyes are the window to one's soul
About Me(AM): my eyes are good at lying. I can easily act without giving out hints or making people suspicious.

PT & AM PART 1 DONE.

Happy Yet Lost...

2008-10-30T06:18:00.000-07:00

YaY!! Just received the news from the university I am applying.. And I get the scholarship. Just the way I wished... Not a 100% one.. Coz I know I can't leave alone in the dorm, especially now that Euni is not going to be with me.. I am on my own now... Don't know how to face University alone.. I am really lost... Happy, but lost... Of all the smart people in my school, why does it have to be me? I mean the scholarship stuff.. I know there are lots of people that are more hardworking and smarter than me.. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but Euni didn't make it through.. I know she is smarter and way more hardworking than me... Now, since she didn't get the scholarship, she is going to Taiwan.. WAY FAR FROM HERE!!! Uhm... happy yet lost at the moment... and one more thing, I don't know why I keep pressing dots everytime I finish a sentence... See?? Well, could consider that as my personal touch.... so, signing off...

Bye Bye Patience

2008-10-28T17:54:00.001-07:00

My patience is officially running out. Why wouldn't it? Being partners with a useless ,well not exactly useless. She is not even working. I did the thinking. I did the writing. I did the passing up. And what bothers me is I DID EVERYTHING. All she did was chat, sms and chat somemore. Ah... This is driving me nuts. Might as well ask me to do the job myself. Enough that she copied all my work, tests and tasks. Now she is enslaving me? Oh, I would have given her a whack if it wasn't for her brother. I still hold gratitude for him since he had helped me a lot. But why does his sister have to be 180 degrees different? Being nice to her is just a way of showing my gratitude for him. And it's just killing me slowly.
I WILL SURVIVE !!!!!

?????

2008-10-28T05:22:00.001-07:00

No, you did not see a typo. I did it on purpose. There are lots of questions in my mind right now. And I don't like the feeling of it. For starters, I am wondering where my bubbly self went to. The one that makes my laugh even if I fall. I sure didn't feel like myself lately. I don't know why but things are getting cold around me. I didn't even laugh when my friends crack jokes. What was that? That wasn't me! Am I under alien influence? Haha. I wish so. That would explain about my weird act. This is the second time I am being like this. The last time, it was around 2 years ago? I don't even remember it. And yes, I am feeling sick. Well, just my brains actually. Hope I get my self back soon. Before I really lose it.
I WILL SURVIVE !!!

Why?

2008-10-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

Why...
Why do I feel so down lately?
Why is my heart so empty?
Why can't I focus on things?
Why do I feel like crying?
Why does my heart aches?
What is actually going on, I need to know. It pains me to feel this way. When she is hurt, I am too. Will she feel hurt when I am? My friend, thank you for all your support for me. I will try to smile and face the world. I WILL SURVIVE !!!

From School

2008-10-26T22:40:00.001-07:00

Lol. I'm now blogging from my hp and I am now at school. Ahahaha. Just want to try if this works.

Report Card Out!!!

2008-10-23T04:17:00.000-07:00

Nearly forgot that I received my report card 2 days ago... Looking at them now... Well, not so bad after all... After all, I am a lazy girl, can't complain with the marks... But I think things goes too extreme. My score were like so high... I got 100 for Geography? That is so hm.... I don't know.. Hard to believe? I barely even study before the test... and other marks too.. I didn't even study for anything this year but my score were extremely well... My mom doesn't even complain like she used to. And when I asked her about my score, all she said was they are good... Heh? Can't believe it... She usually would go "this is what you get if you don't study!!! Look at you score now!!!" but yesterday was an exception.. wow!! Really... Truly... Honestly... I never study!!! Am I a Genius? with the outcome of the score when I am not studying.... This has to be a miracle... Although my score are usually high, but this time it was beyond all that... I didn't study yet I have a high mark? Saying it again and again... I AM LAZY... BUT WHY ARE MY SCORE SO HIGH? I am actually complaining a little bit because my friends who had studied their ass off got lower than my score... And they all knew I never study... Would they think this was a conspiration? Ah!!!!

Min-chan, please come online this week... I really gotta talk to you. About my score and other things... I don't know if you read my mail already... You are very busy, I know that...

Tribute For My School Mates

2008-10-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

Euni: Thanks a lot for being there for me all the times.. You don't know how much you've made me smile and lighten my day just by spazzing about TVXQ... Thank you for the cookies you made me the other day... It's so yummy.... and I really want to thank you for being my assistant, my mother, my sister, and my best friend... I am very grateful to have you...
Other schoolmates: can't list every and each one of you coz it will take too long... To make things short. thank you for all the help you all have given me and thank you for being my friend... I don't want to complain, but I am asking you guys and girls to have more respect and manners... (I am so bossY...) it's just that sometimes you can be such ignorant people.. It would make me feel better even if you just give me a smile or a simple thank you after copying my work, instead of throwing my books back at me... I am being honest here, I don't like that type of 'manner' you guys think okay... at least you could just smile or something... But above all, I still love you guys...

Oh No!!!

2008-10-18T04:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's a bad news coming.. because I'm already a senior and soon I'm having the national test, My mother who is ever so sweet and caring will only allow me to go online at weekends... Uh... hate it... My scores are good and none were depressing, but why must I be banned from internet? My second home... Felt so sad... I'm not the type of stupid girl that learns nothing... I'm a fast learner.. I admit that I am lazy at times, but my scores are good... What do you call 89 if it's not good? Hey, I got that score without copying my friend's work... And I didn't even study for the test... I think I'll get higher than that if I really study, but as I say, I am lazy... Ah... this is driving me nuts... I will learn when I feel like it... And no one can force me to do something I don't like... even if my mother banned me from internet, I will not learn until I feel it's time to start learning... Happened before and will happen everytime until infinity...
And now I am bored... Been surfing since I got home from school... Viewed all sorts of web and now bored of what to do... Can't sleep... Wish I could chat with Min-chan, but I don't think there's a laptop or a computer near her now... Min-Chan, I'm going to miss you if I can only go online at weekends... You have a random schedule that is hard to predict... Hope to chat again with you soon... Help me out from this boredom... And I want a picture of you, especially for me... Ahahaha... just in case my day get's bad, I will have someone to look at... Ahahaha... I'm so dreaming over here... so,... I think I'm going to say bye for now... Let's hope tomorrow will be a better and happy day....
*signing off*

Tribute #1 = Sunny, Juli, and Gang

2008-10-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

Sunny: very bubbly and bright... I can't help but to hang on to you everytime... I wish time were just like last time and stayed that way... I miss you... You are always by my side, seen my weakness and down sides of me. I really appreciate you for it... We've known each other for around 8 years or more ( I can't keep track of that) but we are only near for 3 to 4 years until we have to separate... It gives me the worst heartache I've ever felt because you have always been a part of my life and ill always be. You are always around when I get into trouble and helps me out... For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart... We shopped together, walk around the mall and pranking people and always happy... I never thought that we would separate until we did... But I never regret the things that had happened.. It goes the way it is supposed to be and it wouldn't go any other way... Thank you, San. You have always been and will always be a wonderful friend, a part of my life and my dearest darling that I will always remember for the rest of my life.

Ju-Li: very fresh and energetic... You never let me bored with anything.. You made everything seemed so alive and fresh.. You've seen me grow and be who I am. I like you for accepting me for who I am and not trying to change me any other way. You've always lighten the atmosphere and never fails to make me smile. We've know each other since we were in std. 3 if I'm not mistaken, but just like San, we've only came close when in junior high... Never regret having you and sharing 6 or more wonderful years with you.. You are a friend, a sister and a teddy bear... Thank you for the time you've given me and I will cherish every wonderful memories we've had.

Yang Peng, Wooi Yang, Chun Kuan, Soo Tat, Koon Beng:
Yang Peng, Chun Kuan, Wooi Yang, the trio... I used to see you guys always together, but somehow you are very different from each other.
Yang Peng, the Teh O Peng that always smiles and wouldn't mind to accompany me and San to shop. Most guys wouldn't do things like that, though... I thank you... The most memorable about you is when you said that you couldn't come to the mall, but when San and I walk through the gate, you were there, sitting. This really surprizes me and then I know, you are a very good friend.
Wooi Yang, the one I used to call Doggie Brother.. sorry... It's just that you have the face that looks like a puppy (puppy's eyes) and you are like a brother I never had... And sorry, I did call you Alien.. It's because of the spects that used to cover most of your face.. But when you changed into contact lenses, I was a little sad. I couldn't call you names anymore. You've given me good memories and been a very good friend. Thank you.
Chun Kuan, aka Chu Bi Kia... I used to make fun of you, since you are always fighting with San... I missed those times where you and San would start fighting and I would grumble... You and San would make noise and filled the class... Thank you...
Soo Tat, Mr Egg Tart... You are always so quiet and shy... Why are you like this? But I still like you for who you are. You would always be seen with Koon Beng, usually at the corner of the class room. Very shy, but when you smile, it's very bright... And I like you dogs, even when they barked at me... Ah.. Not about dogs... anyway, thank you...
Koon Beng, aka Ah Beng or Beng Ko... You are the oldest in the class, yet you are not matured as the others... Not blaming you for it... what is special about you is the way you are... very weird at times, but just like me... I felt relaxed...

And the others... There are a lot more and I can't state every and each one of you guys and girls... So.... I like the way you guys treated me equally and never thought of me inferior, because if you do, there will be World War all over again... You are never angry whenever I pick a fight and hits randomly... And you never complaint about the way I am... Very accepting the very random and hard to understand part of me... I would like to say thank you...

For everyone, I'll say another thank you and I am sorry if I ever mistreated you or made any mistake... I'm sorry... I missed you but you are forever a part of my memory and my life... Would be what I am without you guys....

Tributes For All...

2008-10-17T04:46:00.000-07:00

I was just wondering if I should start posts tributed to my friends.... Hmm... sounds good, since they all have seen me grow and tolerated me a lot... So, from now on, I will dedicate a post in every 2/3 days to a friend as a tribute... Hope they like it...

Quit Playing With Me!!!

2008-10-16T05:06:00.000-07:00

Gotta say my laptop's pretty messed up... Now I got more problem... I think someone hacked into my Yahoo and deleted my contacts... Ugh... I hate it when that happens... My contacts were nearly 50 and how am I supposed to retrieve it back? I can't remember all 50 contacts, can I? It's not like I'm a robot.... Ugh... Feels like cursing the people who did this... Argh!!! Feels like crying here... Argh... How could you do this to me? When I thought my luck changed better than yesterday, and now this? Aish... How am I supposed to live like this? And she/he STOLE my contacts... I still have a few, but most are gone... Even the one I have now is unreadable... Why must this happen to me?? Ah... Just when I think I'll be alright... Stupid spyware... stupid virus... stupid hacker... stupid me... okay, I blame it on myself... I am wreckless for letting my cousin borrow my computer while I was overseas and it got virused... Couldn't blame it on her, can I? But please, anyone doing this, please stop... You are hurting innocent people... It's not like I have disturbed and made you mad, right? I really want my contacts back... At least the one that is important to me... Give me back Min-chan's contact! and Euni's and my friends'... all of them... sorry, all of them are important to me... Aish... Just give it back.....

Real Bad Luck vs Real Bad Mood....

2008-10-14T06:41:00.001-07:00

So, let's begin this competition... My luck has turned 180 degrees since like a week ago... Computer virus, breaking and accidentally bumps or bangs on something, stupid and boring private class, and the list goes on... Bad mood? Because of the bad luck I suppose? My mood too have turned... Not really 18- degree dramatic, but I really felt down lately... Got a few good news, then a lot of bad ones... I still can smile, but deep inside I am tearing... Really need someone to talk to.... Got my heart raced up by knowing someone impersonated somebody I look up to... Really twisted up sick story... and as I am typing this, I felt like puking because if I try to remember what happened lately, I felt like someone is playing pranks in my life. And I hate not being able to take control of my own life... My luck dried up. I who always (and I mean always as in most of the time like a 90 percent of my life) get correct guesses, have lots of luck, getting everything I wanted, doing anything I wanted, and all that.. now is at my lowest... Really really sad, but I can't cry... Everyone would think it's such a scam that I say my life is lucky... and cried now that my luck has faded...

A cry in pain,
A call in the rain,
A pain my the heart,
A call in midnight,
A tear that falls,
A shout that calls,
A friend that mails,
A friend that cares,
A luck that changes,
A mood that fades,
A glow that disappears,
A smile that is gone,
Can't lie that I'm happy,
Can't say I am sad,
Can't show I'm mad,
Can't prove I regret,
Life passes on...
Life moves too fast for me to realize...
I lost my loved ones once...
And I don't want to love again...
It's sad to remember,
But memories last,
To think of live,
To think of love,
To think of smiling,
I can't do it all...
Not anymore...
I need a friend who would see me in my lowest,
To rejoice in my happiness,
Who would crack jokes when I'm bored,
Who would find a way to make me smile again..
Live is too precious to be wasted..
So, I'm abandoning this dream of finding this friend..
I'll go on with my life, as it is...
Walking alone is not such a bad thing...
I'm used to it already.
Being taken to a happy place,
And dropped down from the sky...
Felt it...
There's no pain greater that this...
So, I will be walking alone...
It's hard, but it's better than thrown away....

Let this fragile body drift in the crowd...
I don't need anyone...
I don't need Love...
I don't need a life...
I don't need me.......

A Tribute For Mimin....

2008-10-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Kay, so I have a friend named Eddymin (and yes this is his real name) who looked just like Super Junior's HanKyung (Hangeng). Euni-chan and I keep teasing him with by calling him HanKyung and take out our cells and pretend that we are fancam-ing... It's really something fun to do and Mimin (as I like to call him) is not angry whatsoever... And he really looks like HanKyung, so I can't help but to tease putting n mind that I don't go overboard and make him angry... So, Mimin.. This post is for you for taking my bad and naughty ways and still not angry with it... (uh... feels like I owe him alot...) Thank you Mimin...
And with this, I have 2 Mins in my life... Min #1: Min-chan & Min #2: Mimin Eddymin.... And I really appreciate it for having both of you in my life.... Thank you Mins....

Holiday and Virus?

2008-10-05T10:55:00.001-07:00

Just got home from my holiday... Not so much of a holiday though.. Because I got some check up in the hospital and the doctor told me that I am lactose intolerant and I shouldn't run or jump... Wow... Hate it when that happens... So, back to my house at last... Open Internet and guess what I got? Stupid virus... And now, as I am typing this, lots of anti virus things pop up.. Wish it's Min-chan that pops out.. I might grab her out... But this is ANTI VIRUS... And I don't know what to do... Bro, fix this up, please?
HOLIDAY: JuLi-chan. sorry we can't meet during holiday... Gotta go to the doctor... And after X-ray on my knee, UltraSound and Endoscopy, the stupid doctor go and tell me that I cannot jump or run, cannot eat anything that is Milk and dairy products, Cannot eat anything that contains Lactose (whatever that is... I know it has something to do with milk...) And I really want to cry when hearing your voice... Didn't think that you would call that fast.. Heard my voice right? So froggy and scary... could audition in Horror movie dubbing... ahahahaa...
SUNNY: San-chan (sounds quite weird) I don't know if you look at this.... But I really want to tell you... Singapore so BIG? hehehehe... since you didn't reply my sms, and I don't know what to do, I waited at Orchard Road, wishing you somehow walk pass or something... Waited till late night then only I realize Singapore is not as small as I thought... Really felt sad couldn't meet you....
PENANG: Every memory there just keeps repeating in my head as I touched my feet on the ground (so poetic but someway, it is true) Gone to Gurney... reminds me of us.... Go to Feringhi Beach, reminds me of us.... Everywhere I go the memory repeats in my head... Felt like crying that night.. And I actually did.. (not ashamed to admit it because this means I am still a human) So, I still have one last thing to say.....

I MISS EVERYONE OF YOU AND STILL REMEMBER EVERY MEMORY WE HAVE HAD AND I WISH YOU WON"T FORGET ME BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.......

That's all... i think... bye....

Another One For Today...

2008-09-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

Well, another post I'm posting today... I just got the news that my dear friend, Min-Chan caught a cold because of her 'sweet' mother(Min-Chan's mom, please don't be angry at me...)... She spreads it to the whole family... So to say it in detail, Her 2 brothers got cold, same goes to her father... Min-Chan, I wish you and your family could have a speedy recovery... And I heard there was almost an accident at your family event? Aw... It's good to know that nobody's hurt... I might be waiting for you to come and chat with me again tonight, if I'm not tired.. and if you are free too.. Which I think you are not... Anyways, I will still stay online for Euni... She's having her dinner right now...
JU~! So Sorry.... I might not be able to visit and hang out with you... you know my mom... but I'll try to open some time for us to meet and hang... Hope that's enough to update each other...
Kay, think that's about it for now... I might be posting another one if something happens..(which I wish it would) So, signing out...

An Update...

2008-09-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

Just another update I want to blog.... It happens on the same day as the blog before this, 26th Sept... After I finished posting my blog, I saw my yahoo mail, saw Min-Chan online and I chat with her... She was sick a couple of days ago, but luckily she is well now.. And she told me about her accident in the water and I could imagine her swimming like a fish... Min-Chan, please don't say "keep imagining" anymore because I might see real fish when I look at your picture and I don't want that to happen. And yeah, thank you for your care.. I made up my mind make your wish come true, nobody can stop me to say I love you...(part of International 'Hug') sorry... that was so random.. What I really meant was... I made up my mind and already chose my university subject.. I told you in my chat right... And thank you for encouraging me... I am really nervous for the interview, even if it is still a week away... I will remember your word..."Don't hesitate... Just do your best..." I will try my best, Min-Chan...Ah! And did you enjoy your food? You left our chat just for food.. This is the typical you... Hm... and what else?? And I'm sorry if I still don't understand Korean at all... hehehe... I'm learning very slowly...(or is it not moving at all?)... I will be waiting for our next chat... But I know you are very busy nowadays... So, I won't give much hope for it, neither will I lose hope and I will not give up hope... Chatting with you makes me happy because you are online at the time where most of my friends are already signed out... Min-Chan! Good luck! I will support you just like you support me... I will be waiting for more news from you.... Don't forget me okay?

Ah! Nearly forgot to blog about my holiday plan... I will be on holiday from tomorrow for 1 week... My mom planned a hectic holiday as usual... From Jakarta to Batam, to Singapore, to Penang, and she still suggest that we go to Kuala Lumpur... Luckily she cancelled Kuala Lumpur or else I might be raging at home.. hahaha... So, Min-Chan, another message for you... Sorry I can't chat with you this week... I hope we can chat after my holiday is finished... This is the one thing I hate about holidays... Not being able to chat with your friends... To Euni: Euni, We are going to the same Malaysia, but so sad we will be in different places.. I'll be in Penang and you are going to be in Kuala Lumpur.. But nevermind.. We can play again once we get home from holidays right? Being in 1 school with you is one of the best thing in my life.. You introduced me to Min-Chan and her family(who are all from different country and far away from Indonesia) and you helped me through all this time.. I really owe you... Big time... So, I think that's all for now... I might be posting another blog later this evening if something happens... So... Bye.

Interview.... GULP

2008-09-26T05:45:00.000-07:00

Just got the news from the university that I applied scholarship for... They said that my interview will be on 7th next month... I'm really nervous right now.. Can't stop thinking what they might be asking me... Good news bad news type... Really anticipating...
I finished my first one-shot for koi-ai-sarang.. Really glad that it's finished... I'm doing the next one already and wishing for lots more... Another way to improve and exercise my English for university.. Ah.. again with the university... Can't help but to think of it... Not really in the mood to do things...
So, put all that aside.... Now I'm going to put my favourite picture of 'someone'.... Enjoy.... Sha-unnie, if you ever read this, I'm sorry for putting your Pabo...
First up is something someone made for my story.. Gotta love the mysterious and 'dark' theme of it... I have to say that I like his simpleness... It's so 'clean'... This picture is one of my favourite coz this one shows that he has the down-to-earth style... Like it....
I think this is all? Well, good night....

Happy!!!!!

2008-09-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I wasn't in a good mood earlier in this morning.. Gotta say I really felt like school is such a burden... And things changed in the afternoon. I got an sms from my mom saying that I'm one step closer to getting a scholarship in one of the best universities in Jakarta. The only university I applied.. I was really shocked that my mom told me that the people called and said that I made it into the 1st rank and only need to go for an interview and I think do some test to get the scholarship.. So roughly, I'm one step closer to getting into my dream university.. and I can use the fund that are supposed to be for my university for shopping.. Yay... to tell you the truth. I haven't given a high hope into this scholarship.. I doubted myself and I even thought giving up.. But a few weeks ago, when in church during testimonial, I was blank and suddenly thought of something...
"God, I really want to get into this university... Please allow me to be there... I want t get the scholarship so I wouldn't burden my family too much..." at first it was just something like this, but again my heart suddenly changed into something like this....
"God, I want to go to that university... You have to let me go there and have my scholarship... I don't want any other university.. I only want that one... If you don't let me get the scholarship in that university, I don't want to do anything else...." My heart was so stubborn and it was like I'm begging and forcing God to help me out... Then after a few days without any news, my hope really was lost... and I didn't event think about the scholarship. this is when my life is in the dullest moment.. Until now... I am so happy... Although I didn't get the scholarship yet, I'm one step closer to getting one... I have to stay positive.. I know He will not let me fall... Thank You God...

Mood No Mood Situation...

2008-09-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

Gotta say I've been very hanging lately.... like the title.. mood no mood situation... feels like the world around me has changed a lot while I, on the other hand had not changed a bit.. at least I hope I didn't... Stupid stomach is giving problems again.. Not sure of the cause, but I had to ask for permission to go home from school, and go back for school in the afternoon just to have extra class... Feels so lonely... I haven't heard a news from him for such a long time... It's not that I want him to give me everyday report... I just want him to be able to chat with me from time to time.. Just watching him from far makes y heart aches... I hope he will not be too busy with his stuff and could spend some time with me... And a teacher misunderstood my best 'guy' friend as my boyfriend... That's so not right...

I've been dreaming of you since we knew each other...
I've spilled my hearts cry to you...
I've seen you around so much but you didn't notice it was me
I've been having the same dreams over and over....
A dejavu.. a dream of you...
a dream that makes my heart aches whenever I think of it...
You are drifting further from me...
We were not meant to be...
We will never be...
I just wish you all the best...
Hope you will be okay there...
And please find your happiness...
because love is not about having, it's not about happiness..
it's about giving and being happy for the one we love...
So, my dear friend, I'm giving you all my love...

Is the World Dead?

2008-09-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

Not so much of a question... Its just that I felt there hasn't been anything to do these days... Home work and school work as usual... And then... Nothingness.... This is what I hate most... Nothing to do... Just started making a fanfic...
www.winglin.net/fanfic/babylola14
It's something about knights and stuff... Unfortunately, it's been dead since like... A few days ago... Feel like updating it, but my other chapter is in my laptop and I usually used USB to transfer it... another unfortunate thing is my USB is being used by my friend for an assignment... Hope I get it back by tomorrow... OKAY!... Nothing to be worried nothing to make me sad... I am happy.... am I?
Aish... I can't think straight right now... So I think I'm going to end it here......
Tha Tha....

BUSY....

2008-09-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

Been busy recently... I am really tiring myself out to forget something.. or is it someone?? Hm... can't really tell... Well, I am applying for one of the best University in Jakarta.... Hope I get in.... *prays*
About guys: Why are guys players? I mean they like to go to 1 girl, make them happy and leaves them... Hmm.... Well, not like I have something to do with this topic, but I just can't stop wandering about things like this....
Nothing to write anymore... my brains are highly damaged and can't work so well....
Good night.....

Boring Yet so Happy

2008-09-06T01:19:00.000-07:00

Another weird mix up day... Felt so tired and in a bad mood, but when I open my yahoo, there's a mail for me.. And it's not a notice of some kind. It's from my far away friend. He actually spent his precious time to reply my mail. I know he is (they.... in this matter)busy... Can't really believe but it's true.. My so old fashioned computer suddenly doesn't seem to be so old now.. I'm in a happy mood that's why.... Well, chingu-yah... Hwaiting!!

Winglin Where Are you...

2008-09-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ah... This computer really sucks... It's giving me problems again... Green black green black off.... Aish... really hate it.... And winglin somehow couldn't be found.. where are you winglin? the search ended out in time outs... okay.. This pisses me off... I hadn't gone online all afternoon and when I do get to my computer all sorts of problems came.... Well, at last my fanfic is found... Let's wish it didn't go on errors or anything like that anymore.. I'm so sick of it...

Just Another Update

2008-09-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the title says it all...
Been dead tired and hating lessons in school.. Feel like leaving school early, but somehow I always
feel like someone is there supporting me.. Whether they notice it or not, I feel like they are always there for me...
Thinking that I will soon be in university and will separate from them makes me feel so sad...
It reminds me of Penang and my life...
I even forgot how I used to laugh in Penang...
All the memories are still fresh in my mind, but to compare it to now, I feel I'm changing... 180 degrees different... I can't laugh so freely like I used too... Can't stop comparing too... Haiz... My life is so gloom... It's lucky that I still have a lot of people who would support me...

I hate accounts test... Had it today and I did so many mistakes... Huh... never going to learn accounts in time for UAN... or is it UAS? Well, still....

This computer is really finding faults with me... As I am typing this blog, it keeps on showing green weird displays and all... Really need to change computer d..... Can't use laptop for internet coz my bro will install shit and get virus to the laptop....

Bored as ever... Bored forever... Bored for life.... Long live Boreness.............

Computer's Dead End

2008-09-02T02:46:00.000-07:00

Now I'm really hating this computer.... It just shuts down when I turn it on and it won't come back on... But after a few kicks and punches here and there it's working... well, kinda...
I saw a few clips on youtube that makes my heart melts. It's about Japan and some people I knew of.. Won't say who or what.. Hehehe.... It's just me and my friends secret....
*calls out to someone*
"Chingu, I didn't tell anybody about you right? So I'm still keeping my promise to you, but why aren't you online? It's been long,neh? Busy for the album? Well, whatever you are doing and planning to do, I just want to wish you good luck." hehehehe... something I want to tell him... Just hope he goes online soon, before my computer starts making problems again...

to another friend
Sunny, Juli and all others I really won't mention:
Do you know I missed you? Felt so lost nowadays. Comparing the life I've been through with you guys and the life I'm having right now makes me feel so sad. There are a lot of things that changed. I am still a childish girl though.. One point, I changed into a sensitive girl. I don't know why, but I cry easily now, even if I can hide my tears, I still feel very sad. Another point, I barely remember the usual 'me'. Felt like I'm changing into someone else or my body is switched with someone.... Even if I laugh, it doesn't feel like me...
SAD....(Sane Another Day)
ICU(I Really Want To See You)
doesn't make sense? so is my brains.. I thought they are fried coz of the sun stroke in PE lesson this morning.... Haiz... Really miss you all.... I even dreamt about you guys... Have you ever dreamt of me?
Let's meet up and hang out in dreams...

2008-09-01T03:42:00.000-07:00

Something I scribed when thinking of you.....
I have not met you for so long now....
I really wish that I could be by your side...
Are you hurt?
Are you happy?
My mind kept asking these questions....
It's been so long since I talked to you....
Now this time it felt like we are drifting apart...
You gave me no news of you...
I kept wondering how have you been...
You made my heart rush and worry...
Is it worth it?
Yes, because you are my precious....
All that my heartache and worries are worth...
I can only cry for you...
I hold back my tears just for you....
I move on because of you...
I really wish that could tell you something....
something that I've been keeping all this while...
I Miss You...
I need you here...
I know the distance between us is growing...
I hope you haven't forgotten me...
I still can remember you and the times we spent...
I need you....
I need a place to crush my heart on...
I need your advice, even when you didn't say a thing...
I need you, where I can cry until my tears are dry...
I need you, I need you right now...
My heart is really at lost now...
I know I might have not been the best friend you wished for...
But you are one, to me...
I might not be that best friend that could be by your side to let you cry on and still wakes up early to give you courage..
I could have done it in the past...
But is there any chance for it now?
Can I alter the past?
Can I change the time I met you?
Can I erase the scene where I have to leave you?
Or can I make the day where we met gone?
Too bad I couldn't....
Even if I could, I will not change it any other way...
Because you are my precious...
And you are the best thing that ever happened in my life...
Be strong, my friend...
I will be strong for you...
Until the time when we meet again...
I will wait for that time...
I will survive all this misery just so that I can meet you again...

2008-08-31T05:46:00.000-07:00

Hi... New here... Let's try some features neh? Off I go....*wandering in the woods..*

I WILL SURVIVE

3 MORE DAYS!!!

Day 3 of Finals

11days To Finals

Thank God!

Dreams...

Hello World!

New Mp4... Yay!

You Are In Love When.....

Stress After Try Out

1 More Day Till Hell Breaks Loose!

LOVE!!!

STRESSING OVER!!

Holidays Are Over!!!

Heart Full of Love

First Day of Exam

I'm Hurt Deep Inside

PT & AM PART 2

Weak Hand Day

Weak Hand Day

Back To Normal Life...

Happy Yet Lost...

Bye Bye Patience

?????

Why?

From School

Report Card Out!!!

Tribute For My School Mates

Oh No!!!

Tribute #1 = Sunny, Juli, and Gang

Tributes For All...

Quit Playing With Me!!!

Real Bad Luck vs Real Bad Mood....

A Tribute For Mimin....

Holiday and Virus?

Another One For Today...

An Update...

Interview.... *GULP*

Happy!!!!!

Mood No Mood Situation...

Is the World Dead?

BUSY....

Boring Yet so Happy

Winglin Where Are you...

Just Another Update

Computer's Dead End

Interview.... GULP